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  • Writer's pictureAimee Isabel

Faking it in the bedroom

Updated: Mar 14, 2023

Performative sex is a term used to describe sexual activity that is focused on achieving a specific goal or outcome, rather than on the experience itself.


It often involves putting on a show for one's partner, rather than being fully present in the moment and enjoying the connection between two people.


While performative sex may feel exciting or even necessary in some situations, it can also be a source of anxiety and dissatisfaction, and can prevent people from truly enjoying their sexuality.


If you are feeling stuck in the habit of performative sex, there are several steps you can take to break free and start enjoying your sexuality in a more authentic and satisfying way.


  1. Identify the root of the problem.


The first step in getting out of the habit of performative sex is to identify why you are engaging in this behavior in the first place.


Is it because you feel pressure to perform for your partner? Are you trying to meet certain expectations or standards? Do you feel insecure or inadequate in some way?


Once you understand the root of the problem, you can begin to work on addressing it.


2. Practice mindfulness.


Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, without judgment or distraction. By practicing mindfulness during sex, you can focus on the physical sensations and emotional connection between you and your partner, rather than on any performance-related concerns. This can help you feel more connected and present during sexual activity, and can also help you break free from the habit of performative sex.


3. Communicate with your partner


If you feel like you are stuck in the habit of performative sex because of pressure from your partner, it is important to communicate with them about how you are feeling. Let them know that you want to focus on being present and enjoying the experience, rather than on meeting any specific expectations or goals.


If your partner is supportive, this can be a great way to break free from the cycle of performative sex and enjoy a more authentic and fulfilling sexual connection.


4. Explore your sexuality


Another way to break free from the habit of performative sex is to explore your sexuality in new and different ways. This might mean trying new positions, experimenting with different types of touch or stimulation, or exploring new fantasies or desires.


By expanding your sexual repertoire, you can find new ways to connect with your partner and experience pleasure, which can help break the cycle of performative sex.


5. Seek professional help


If you are struggling to break free from the habit of performative sex, it may be helpful to seek professional help.


A therapist or sex educator can help you explore the underlying issues that may be contributing to your behavior, and can provide you with tools and techniques to break free from this cycle and enjoy a more fulfilling and authentic sexual connection.


In conclusion, getting out of the habit of performative sex is an important step towards a more authentic and satisfying sexual connection. By identifying the root of the problem, practicing mindfulness, communicating with your partner, exploring your sexuality, and seeking professional help if needed, you can break free from this cycle and enjoy a more fulfilling and authentic sexual connection.



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